i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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