YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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