No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
