You smell like a Billy Joel song
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
