You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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