how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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