the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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