i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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