I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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