Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
