yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
