Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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