im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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