My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Welp...herpes.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
