On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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