So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
