yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
