i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
