Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
