do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
