When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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