I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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