A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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