I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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