i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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