He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
