i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
