wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
