happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
