the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
