I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
