did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
