Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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