Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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