I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
