It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
