My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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