I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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