Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
