I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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