her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
