he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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