i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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