The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
