if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
