Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
