Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
