Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize