I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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