At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
