youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
