i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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