no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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