I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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