I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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