He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
