we have officially lost it.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
