yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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