I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
