"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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