haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
