I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
