new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
