I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
