so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just invented taco cereal.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize