I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
