I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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