at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize