the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
