this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sobbing to NWA
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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