You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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