Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
