Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
